She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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