Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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