Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
