I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
