he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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