Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
