quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
