giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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