Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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