im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
