foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
