You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
