I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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