You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
