You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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