We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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