I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
