Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
a search helicopter?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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