I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
