omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
