I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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