Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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