You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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