I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
