i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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