considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
