a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
