i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
