I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
