Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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