What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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