I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
