So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
