I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
