Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
