His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
