On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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