Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
