You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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