if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
