Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
