My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
