Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
