I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think people are normalizing furries
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
