Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
