he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
