Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
do nipples grow back?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
