i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
