I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
