i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
