You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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