Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So squirting runs in the family.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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