I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
