Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
